Ambling down King’s Staith, next to the River Ouse. There are geese herding their goslings. An ice-cream van. Sunshine. In front of me a couple walk, arms round each other’s waists. Wait – no – she’s got her hand in his back pocket. Actually – is her hand? Yes, her hand is down his trousers. Wait, is it actually down his boxers? Yes, yes, I can clearly see that the underwear elastic is on the outside of her hand.

What bizarre behaviour…